i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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