All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I need a burrito and a hug.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
