Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
im holly from the hills drunk
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
