The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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