you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
