you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
