"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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