your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize