I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Come see our sink grown plant.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
