No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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