He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I could make wine with my vomit
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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