ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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