You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
