Ambien. No doubt about it.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
