I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
