I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize