Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
