I murdered the dance floor call the cops
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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