I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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