Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We left the knife in your bed.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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