In the future we'll all be gay
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
