hotel room ftw
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
