im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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