Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
