My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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