my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
