Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
