i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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