I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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