Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
