yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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