just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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