see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
