Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
