The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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