bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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