She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
