Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
