you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i think i just lost a toe
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
