if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.