Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic