I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face