Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
