just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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