I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
