She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
