I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
