Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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