Cold hands, warm shart.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
