The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
