so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
These tits shall not be calmed
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