My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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