peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
