it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize