I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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