I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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