Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
