I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
