Pappa wants mamma naked
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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