I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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