after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
