As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
