I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
