he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
