i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
