So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
