I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
