stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize