Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
