we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
