I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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