either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
