You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
only you would photoshop your dick
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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