Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
