Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
