My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
